January 25, 2018

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Lost and Found

January 25, 2018

I see you.

 

I do not claim to know how you feel exactly because we all process differently, but know that I see you. 

 

You’ve been hit by a truck. (No, not literally.) But it sure feels like it. This is not what I expected. You hear the words, but is that what he is really saying? Blink, blink.

 

Wait. What? 

 

“I want a divorce.”  

 

Oh. I sensed that for many months now, I think to myself. If I were honest, I sensed it for a few years, and actually ......I even thought I would be the first one to mouth those words. But......(and a big but here)........when our kids are grown up and gone.

 

I think I have run the whole gamut of feelings. From relief, anger, sad, resentment, bewilderment, scared, happy, gratitude....relief, anger, sad.....back and forth. Recently “out there” I saw an eye-opening graphic of the healing process.  It wasn’t linear! 

 

It was all crazy-like, lots of squiggles, ups and downs and all around. 

Truly affirming for me because that’s how I felt then ( 3 years ago now ) and even now, sometimes. 

It’s still a roller coaster of emotions for me. A little less up and down, but still, not even.

So, I wanted to let you know. I see you.

 

I felt relief that I no longer had to be surrounded by negative energy. Scared sh*tless because I had been out of the paying workforce for 15 years. Like, what the hell am I gonna do now? My skill set is sadly lacking. I’ve spent years spinning laundry, playing legos :) volunteering, and raising HUMANS. My babies! 

 

Sad, so sad, that my concept of a “family unit” was now broken. Yes, that’s the word --  B R O K E N.

“Having been fractured or damaged and no long in one piece or in working order.” 

 

Yes. I felt like I was not in the best working order. And my body chimed right in. 

Months later my shoulder “froze”. Boulders grew on top of my traps. Muscles were so tense in my back it was a struggle to even walk. I pretty much scooted where I needed to go. Horizontal on the sofa for months. ugh. Do you see me?

 

Ah. But then, one day two girlfriends came over. We all have them - our TRIBE.

We talked and talked and talked. Laughed. 

Cried.

 

Thank you Jennifer and Michelle. 

 

And by God’s grace, Michelle came back again to talk to me. She asked, “What makes you happy?

When you were young and not married, what made you happy?” ART.  

 

So, the next week, off I went to visit a few art galleries. Then I took an online art class ( which I have to tell you, I was apprehensive about that even, because I know I have issues with self-discipline ) Would I stay the course? YES! It was heaven!

Creating “mantras” and getting my fingers in the paint, using paper and ribbon. Oh, hello mixed media! Hello JOY! Suddenly, I was creating again. 

In my own space. 

That I created for MYSELF.  And I could leap in whenever I chose to do so.

Is there something that you used to do, but somehow got lost in the midst of married and family life?

I would encourage you to go back there. Get lost. Find your Joy. 

Choose Joy.

 

That one course led to another. Angels with messages. I’ve always loved cherubs and angels.

I gravitated to this class immediately. And suddenly, I was painting all the time. Healing. 

Healing physically (Lord, it’s been f o r e v e r ) and emotionally. Time truly does heal. It’s such a cliche, I know. But for me, it is TRUTH. 

 

So today, beautiful, I wanted to share with you that it’s perfectly ok be scared. It’s ok to be sad and angry, maybe resentful. Maybe you are happy and content, and have found gratitude through the experience. Today I am choosing Joy.  I see you.  

You are a work in progress. I know that I am!

 

I set out to create my own self-portrait. I love flowers of all kinds. And PINK. Of all kinds.

A message to myself lies behind the face. Throw in some some sunny golden yellow, butterflies and some wings. This. This is me.

 

It is a piece of art in purpose, with purpose, on purpose.

 

I see you.

 

 

You are seen, you are heard, you are Loved.

 

 

Sometimes when it looks like everything is coming apart, it’s actually all coming back together.  Renewal

 

Cards in shop - send a message of affirmation to a woman you know going through a divorce or transition in their life. Nothing beats opening your mailbox and discovering a heartfelt message from a friend.

www.artistrybyadonna.com

 

Stop by and say hello on Instagram and (occasionally) Twitter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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